I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP | Tara Henderson
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I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP | Tara Henderson


hi you guys I don’t really know how much I’m gonna be able to talk about right now because I’m like obviously very upset um I don’t know how much I’m gonna be able to like explain because I feel like my thoughts are just like everywhere right now and I’m just so upset um but I just finished nursing grace and he’s right here in my lap but for like the last like day and a half he’s just been like so difficult to get to watch on and I just feel so defeated right now and I I don’t really know what to do I mean I think I’m gonna try and start pumping and bottle feeding him because I wish I could I wish I could show you guys like how difficult it is to nurse him right now but I can’t have like my boob out on camera obviously but just know that it’s really difficult and I’m just I’m trying everything I can to push through but the last like day and a half it’s just been like almost impossible to get him to plot to latch on and then when he does latch on he’s like still popping on and off which is also really frustrating in that part I can handle but like first getting him to latch on to nurse it takes like five to 10 minutes and he’s just screaming crying arching his back like tensing up does not want to latch on and I just feel like so frustrated and let down and defeated and I just feel really guilty too because I put him through the last week like with the lasering procedure like I wanted this to work even wanted it to help him and it’s helped with his like being able to open his mouth wider and when he does latch on he latches on better that’s the it’s helped with but I don’t know if there’s like an underlying issue with him where maybe yeah silent reflux like shaded che was the exact same way when I went to nurse her but I had to stop I couldn’t do it anymore and I never tried bottle-feeding her I just went straight to formula I just feel like I should be giving it everything that I can because of what I put him through this last week I just feel so bad but like Adam will tell you it’s been really difficult like last night in the middle of the night I just like a nudged him and I just started crying and he tried to help me get him to latch and eventually he did and then once he latches on it’s like it’s doable it’s still really hard but getting him to latch on is the worst part and I don’t know what it could be I really like my gut is saying me probably I say that reflux in PA chest is really uncomfortable I’m gonna call his pediatrician today and see if we can get him in to be seen because I really I honestly don’t know why why are you so difficult to nurse and it breaks my heart because I really want to do first ever as long as I can good I wish it came easier but I don’t know I just have so many emotions going through me like a part of me it’s like why don’t I just talk why don’t I just bottle feel why don’t I just give a formula like why are you so why are you putting yourself through so much like I can eat and I think the reason is because I don’t I feel like I need to try and push through and just maybe it’ll get easier because again like I feel like I just did that whole thing with him with the lasering for nothing I mean I know it affects his speech later on so I’m sure you would have had speech issues so if anything it’s gonna help that hopefully but it’s only been we got the procedure done on Thursday it’s Monday today so it’s only been like four days since he’s had the procedure and I’ve read over the post-op to see if like maybe they they go through a phase like this and I didn’t read anything but we have a follow-up appointment this Thursday so with like three days so I don’t know I don’t know if I should just keep pushing through and talk to talk to his pediatrician and talk to the dentist that did his procedure and see what they think I’ve been talking to my lactation consultant and I try and have her come see me at my house and maybe she can help but I don’t know I don’t know really know what else to do you know this is definitely not normal it should be this difficult like I know breastfeeding hard but it should not be this hard in like the first two weeks he was born like it was it was actually really easy and he latched on great and he fed great and I was so excited and then we hit like this ball at like in two weeks it was just so hard to nurse him it is just getting harder and harder and I thought it was gonna start getting easier but it’s not and it’s just like stressing both out of an eye out which in turn is like stressing the kids out I feel like it just feels so bad saying all this stuff out loud it’s like why don’t you just give him a bottle like just give him a bottle like who cares but like the other part of me is like stop like don’t give up like I don’t know why I just feel so guilty what to do and we have one bag of milk left in the freezer and I know that if I pump I’m not gonna be making as much as he’s able to nurse out of me and I feel like I’m already just making enough for him and so if I start pumping I’m not gonna be making as much to feed him like I already know that I don’t even know if I’m gonna post this to be honest a part of me is like extremely embarrassed as well yeah I just feel like really really embarrassed no no it’s like oh I know I should I know so many of you guys out there could relate to what I’m going through they hope Hollywood but just having a really hard time breastfeeding I’m just gonna take it like hour by hour today and just try and relax so you know when you get stressed out it’s makes it more difficult so just gonna try and relax talking about this out loud is actually helping ok he’s starting to get fussy so I think I’m gonna go try and feed him ok it’s a few hours later now I just stopped back home from the gym my girlfriend and I we planned a day this week to meet at the gym and it happened to me today but I still went I still got my butt there we worked out we talked north and we worked out she’s a mom of three so she totally gets it and it was just nice to like vent to her event to another mom that understands so I cried my eyes out to her but she was such a sweetheart and she just totally gets it so it feels good though to like talk about what’s been going on with you guys with Adam with her I talked to Hillary and Erin a little bit this morning so I feel it feels better to like get this off of my chest because I know I’m not alone in this I know that not everyone has a really easy breastfeeding experience so I just need to remind myself of that and just take it day by day when I just got home like 30 minutes ago I pumped because my boobs are really engorged because I had been gone for like an hour and a half he’s sleeping right now but I have a pumped bottle of milk for him for when he wakes up so I’m just gonna try and pump and bottle feed him and see how long we can make it with that a lot of you guys are my girlfriend’s such a trying nipple shield so I’m gonna order that on Amazon now and see if that helps I’m also going to call his pediatrician right now and make him an appointment to get seen by him and just just try and relax the rest of the day honestly but it feels so much better to get this off of my chest and just event to you guys and the people close to me so thank you guys for listening to me if you guys have any advice please leave them in the comments please be nice in the comments though because my mental state is not the best right now so just just please be nice in the comments I know you guys usually are so I don’t even really have to say that but thank you for listening to me and I will update you guys over the next couple days and hopefully it gets a little bit easier but I’m gonna end the vlog here thank you guys for listening again and I will see you all on the resume bye [Music]

100 Comments

  • Courtney Chialastri

    I’m so sorry Tara! I know it’s hard but it’s gonna be okay. It’s okay to be emotional. But you’re not alone. My son didn’t the same thing. Some times babies just go through things and they don’t know what they want. And we try so hard to make it work that we get really worked up and they feel that too. Just give you and Grayson some time to figure it out. But also figure out if this is just not the way despite the fact that you don’t want to have this chapter end with him. But you’ve done an amazing job and he’s a healthy baby boy and you’re killin it girl! Don’t get in your head and let this put you down. No ones perfect but you’re doing your best and that’s what counts. Keep your head up love! You’re an amazing mom and have a beautiful family! Good luck! ❤️

  • Ashley Renae

    Newborn stage is the toughest. It’s so many things and you are doing a great job. His tie might be sore, it could be your let down (my baby had difficulty with my oversupply issue), could be reflux too. Hang in there. You got this! It’s very emotionally hard. I pushed through and it got so much easier. She has a posterior tie and tongue tie. We got hers done at 4 months. We are currently 14 months into BF

  • adem zitouni

    عملتي العملية مبكر جدا مازل الطفل صغير كان ممكن لا داعي للعملية

  • حمودي وسيم

    انصحها من قلبي لا تكون تتبها بابنها وعيلتها السعيد لنو يمكن تصيبهم عين 👁حسد 😞الله يشفيه يارب

  • Melissa Martinez

    Girl you are amazing. Only great moms care this much. I totally relate. I breastfed my first with no problems but my second wasn’t so easy. I ended up going to formula at 2 weeks because I needed to go on antidepressants. You are doing great and you have definitely got this

  • Christina Cottrell

    I’m so very sorry!!!! I was unable to nurse my first born. I ended up pumping for her for 8 months and my 2nd daughter I had a miserable time nursing and got her the procedure. We eventually got the hang of nursing and we are still nursing now 2 years later. There is hope! Both of my daughters had ties.

  • Katie B

    I had lots of problems in the beginning with my baby. But now we are 15 months and still breastfeeding, it is the only way to get him to sleep 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ I ended up side nursing alot.

  • D D

    Hi Tara. Don’t blame yourself! Just remember, if you are upset then he will be too. If you are stressed then less milk. So please dont cry and try to breathe, do app called “Calm”.
    Few tips: try to give him less binky, sometimes they confuse kids and make them latch improperly;
    Elevate his head when he is sleeping. And please perhaps postpone taking that protein powder you are adding into your smoothies. Kids are quite sensitive to some powders. Try not to have dairy for a month and see if that helps in combination. Also, dont feed him by schedule for two weeks but just as much and often as you can.
    Also, I love working out but unfortunately if you sweat during your workout then milk tastes different. Some kids might not like that.
    One more thing: change the positions when you feed. Try laying on the side or put him almost standing on you and latching. I hope some of these will help!
    Feel better!

  • ام سديم 🌸

    يعمري الله يكون بعونها ويشفي ولدها ويرضع من صدرها طبيعي 💕💕💕💕

  • Organisation Obsessed

    My daughter is very similar in age to Greyson. I'm formula feeding her due to her not latching on and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! ❤

  • Kel M

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. For all three of mine, I had a hard time for them to latch on. I pumped and bottle fed all 3 of mine. When I went back to work I switched over to formula. Every woman is different and different choices are not wrong choices! Don’t give up on yourself, you’re strong and keep your head up!

  • Umlinda -

    You are a good mama 😘 its ok give him bottle give him formula give him anything that he will take it easy , the only thing that matter is he feed well

  • Marissa Marks

    I feel for you. I know how frustrating and defeating that is. Please know you’re not alone and you’re a great mom. You can only do what you can do and sometimes it is out of our control. You have nothing to feel bad about! This too shall pass. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers. ❤️❤️❤️

  • Leah Billard

    I hate to see you so upset this breaks my heart.. the only thing I could suggest is maybe he might have an intolerance and so the pain is making it hard for him to relax and latch… this being my only suggestion as I went through it. Still dairy free and breastfeeding 18months later. I’m sorry if this doesn’t help I just couldn’t not write to you.. I know it’s hard but you will work it out. Lots of love x

  • Leah Billard

    Also don’t feel embarrassed, although it’s tough right now.. your showing the real side to parenting your going to help others feel ‘normal’ because it’s not easy and you have hard times you’ve got to get through.. you’ll get through it

  • Holly Cromack

    I have a daughter who will be 20 years old next month. She would never latch on. I pumped for 9 months and she was still able to get breast milk. Don’t give up. You can do it and he’ll still here the same nutrients. I know you can do it!!!

  • Roxanna Palacios

    This happened to me with my second. Had his tongue tie removed and it was still so hard. I felt the same way. Didn’t understand why it was so hard! I’m so sorry! I didn’t give up and it eventually got easier. I don’t know why I didn’t just give him formula 🙃 but what I did was pump pump pump and would give him a bottle and eventually he just latched better.

  • Daniela Monteiro

    My dear my advice is to give milk to your baby no matter if it is breast milk or bottle. You have to be ok mentaly. Don't feel bad, i am a mother of 2 girls (5 months anf 2 years), and we all try our best, it's so hard!
    Give yourself a standing ovation.
    I breastfeed my older daughter until 15 months my youngest i breastfeed and give her bottle because it's hard and so different.
    Kiss from a mother who have been there 💪

  • Brittany O'Neal

    society puts so much pressure on mothers and how they feed their baby. Just do what works for you and baby. You are a wonderful mother!

  • Carmen Cavazos

    Ahh. Don't cry sweet lady. Thank you for sharing what you are /were going through.

    After I breastfeed briefly & talked to my supportive OBGYN about breastfeeding, I was able to get past the guilt. My transition to formula was quickly made successfully & I never looked back. She is now almost 30 years old.
    I am praying you get through this soon, as babies grow so quickly. Not breastfeeding does not make you any less of a person. Every baby is different and this too shall pass.

  • Evelyn Lucha

    I hope your pediatrician is able to shed some light on helping but maybe try feeding him just before he gets too hungry and maybe he'll latch better. I learned with my first (going on 3rd now) that trying before they get hangry helps. I wanted to give up with her too but bf for 19 mos with her

  • Memee0000

    Please calm down and I want to tell you that you are from the best mothers I ever seen….be strong like always and I love you 😘

  • Lissa Benaja

    I’m not a mom so i can’t give you the exact advise that you may need. But i’m sure about one thing and that is by not giving up and doing the best you can. Find your support systeem and you Will feel way better. I’m just a 14 years old girl who is figuring out her life tbh haha. But wish you the best and know that you can do it! Keep going❤️

  • A OSO

    اشعر بك فانا مررت بنفس التجربه صعوبه في الرضاعه الطبيعيه💔في النهايه استسلمت 😭💔مع الاسف

  • 叶颖

    I’m a 2months boy’ mom, and had a really hard time with feeding my son, exactly same as you…. I know how hard it is and don’t blame yourself. You’re such a awesome mom and so proud of you:)

  • Oum Ouais

    صباح الخير تارة إن شاء الله تكون حالتك وحالة إبنك بخير وأفضل ودعوتو الله ان يشفي إبنك أسأل الله الكريم رب العرش العظيم أن يشفيه
    إبن اختي مثل حالة إبنك تماما لكنه شفي سريعا والحمد لله وهو الان يدرس في الصف الرابع لاتخافي ولا تقلقي سيُشفى بإذن الله
    خلي إيمانك برب العالمين قوي ولا تقنطي من رحمه الله .فرحمته وسعت كل شيئ

  • Jessica Knight

    We as mothers feel extremely guilty bc we want to give our children the best.. I know its difficult I couldn't nurse my two either I felt so defeated.. but I've come to terms with it and just seeing my beautiful babies smiling at me happy and full reminds me that it's all okay! ❤

  • Jessica Lopez

    I pumped and breastfed for the first three months and it didn’t affect my supply. I then just breastfed after that until my daughter was 2 years old. Hang in there.

  • Vicki aka Saugeen29

    Your trying your hardest, dont give up!!! Keep going hopefully it will all work out for the best!!! 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

  • Racquelle Weaver

    You’re amazing! You’re doing a great job and it’s all going to be okay! He will still adore you and love you as his mom. If you keep trying he will probably latch on after awhile. The bond is indescribable I understand! As a breastfeeding moms who works, I give bottles and pump during the day and latch at night. Whatever you do, you’re giving your baby the very best!!!! Keep going! You got this!

  • Allison Liedtke

    Keep massaging his gums and mouth. Then just put your finger by his mouth. I think he’s afraid of things being in his mouth, happened to me, as well. With your finger there he will see not everything going in his mouth will hurt him. He will latch on eventually, but bottle feed until then. Give him time, but feed him well❤️❤️❤️don’t cry and don’t give up momma❤️❤️I hope you see this and are still trying..however there is NOTHING wrong bottle feeding❤️❤️

  • Abd El Fatah Mohamed

    اللهم رب الناس مذهب البأس والضراء اشفى انت الشافى لا شافي الا انت شفاءا لا يغادر سقما
    اللهم اشفى ابنها وعافه من كل سوء يارب العالمين

  • Kathy Defensor

    I honestly feel like breastfeeding is a mission on its on! You’re doing great mama! it’s normal to feel this way. YOU ARE INSPIRING for sharing this 💕

  • Anissa Louhem

    لا تبكي لان هذا يؤثر على حليبك وسوف يقل او ربما ينشف فقط تحلي بالصبر و سوف تتحسن الامور باذن الله وانا ام مثلك وقد تاثرت جدا بك فمن فضلك لا تبكي ارجوكي من اجلك الرضيع

  • Erin Douville

    My baby does the SAME thing and for me it has been a mixture of two things – gas pain, usually from something in my diet or just needing to burp him. OR my milk is flowing too fast in which case I sooth him with a paci while I pump 1-2 ounces before nursing

  • Vickie Greer

    Please take a deep breath and try to stay calm he can tell you are upset. You are a GREAT mom. Just pump and bottle feed him. You are a GREAT MOTHER.

  • nucci luv

    I hate that you are beating yourself up…. i went through this with my first…. you are a GREAT mama. He will be fine…give him formula if you need too. Nothing is wrong with that. Your baby needs YOU to be happy! Hugs mama. Whatever you decide …do NOT feel shamed for it.❤❤

  • Florence Harrane

    Bonjour, je regarde ces vidéos sans comprendre l'anglais pour son organisation mais du coup je ne comprends pas cette vidéo ? Quelqu'un peut me traduire le sujet, la voir dans cet état me peine.

  • مانسيتك على بالي

    سبحان الله مااحن قلب الأم.. تربيه وترضعه وتعتني به وتبكي لبكاءه وهي لاتعلم هل سيكون بارا بها ام سيجحد فضلها كمايفعل اغلب الاولاد عندماتكبر الام وتهرم وتحتاج لمن يطعمها الماء والاكل لاتجده.. يعتني بزوجته ويطلع معها ويشتري الهاالهدايا ويروح معها المجمعات والسفر وأمه يحذفها بمستشفا او عند خادمه. والبعض يحذفها بالشارع مثل ماشفتو من كم يوم واحد يصور حرمه عجوز بالشارع حذفها ابنها..
    اللهم اجزي عني والداي بالإحسان إحسانا وبالسيئات غفرانا وارحم أبى برحمتك وأشفي امى عاجلايارب 😭

  • Tales of a Texas Mommy

    Oh mama, my heart breaks for you! 💕 Breastfeeding is hard enough when everything is going in your favor, you do what you think is best, your mental state is sooo important, keep that in mind. Sending you hugs 💜💜💜

  • Souad Zidou

    kon kan bebe flmaghrib kon daghya tchafa hna hit tayjralo hakak kant jadati tadirlihom l3jina fmalghigha dak bebe ta7lih lhal9 howa bach makhahch yrda3

  • زينب ستار

    ان شالله الشفاء ياربي لتبجين حبيبتي احبج تارا متابعتج من العراق

  • Abas Abas

    لا تبكي حبيبتي سوف يشفى قريبا بأذن الله نتمنى له شفاء عاجل. انا ايضا عندي طفل رضيع هذا هو شعور كل ام تجاه اطفالها.

  • Lia Marvel

    One day Baby Grayson will watch this video , Grown-up , beautiful and healthy. And He'll say :" Thank you mom for all what you've been through because of me❤"

  • Th Th

    ربنايشفيه يارب ويشفي كل مريض يتألم وان شاء الله يخف ويبقى بخير وياريت متصوريش ابنك تاني

  • فاضل عبيد

    نتمنى شفاء الى ابنك جميل انتي ام حنونه شكد قهرتني انا متابعه من العراق

  • AKM SWAT

    ان شاء الله يشفى باذن الواحد الاحد لاتبكي ياعزيزتي تارا نحن من العراق نحبكي كثيرا قلوبنا معكي لاتحزني ان الله سوف يشفيه لكي اللهم امين يارب العالمين ام حيدر الانصاريه العراق 😭😭😭🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲🥰🥰🥰🤲🤲🤲🙏🙏🙏😆🙏😆🙏🙏😆🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😆🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😆🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😆😆😆🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤💛

  • Relebohile Ramakhale

    A motherhood is not determined by how well your baby latches. You’re a great mom! You’re doing a great job . A mother isn’t perfect , you don’t need to be perfect or have it put together all the time .

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